from AA ESH Group : Experience, Strength, and Hope Mailing List

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へようこそ。そして、今月お祝いを迎える皆さん、おめでとう

誰かにをお願いされた時はすっごく嬉しかったなぁ、今でも覚えているよ。ビルにどれだけ役に立てたかは分からないけど、少なくとも私が彼とコンタクトを取っていた間、彼はずっとソーバーだったよ。裁判所の命令でがたくさん来たよ、保護観察官の指示で俺にになってほしいと頼んできたっけ、誰も定期的に連絡を取ってくれなかったし、に取り組むこともなかった。さらに困ったことに、保護観察官が実際にの下にいるかどうかの確認でさ、確認のためのフォローアップしたのなんて、たったの一度だけだったんだ。としての自分の微妙なキャリアで最も悲しい思い出は、コーディとの事。コーディは、30代の明るく意欲的な若者だったけれど、メンタルヘルスの問題も抱えていたんだ。彼とはAAで出会ったけど、Double Trouble in Recovery（グループ）のミーティングで彼の事をもっとよく知るようになったんだ。彼の過去を知ると、彼がソーバーでいたい理由は沢山あるだろうなと思ったし、本当にやる気のある見習いみたいに見えたんだ。でも、彼は大スリップして、あっという間に逮捕されちゃったんだ。牢屋で彼に会った時、まぁまぁ悔い改めてそうだったし、別の長期にアクセプトしたのさ。その間、彼は俺のワイフと俺に手紙を書いてよこしてきたな。家に戻ってからも何とか回復している様だったんだ。ある土曜日の朝のミーティングと朝食の後、俺は彼に、彼が何度もひっかき傷を負い、入院し、危うく命を落としたことを思い出させ、もうこれ以上は無いと思う、と忠告したんだ。彼はワークの時はゴキゲンだった。後で知ったんだけど、彼は仕事中にちょこちょこ飲んでて、その晩車のアルコール検知装置を突破できなかったから、歩いて近くの酒屋に行って、ジンのハーフガロンボトルを2本買ったらしい。彼はその翌日、アルコール中毒でホームレスキャンプで逝っちまった。そんなことになるなんて自分の無力さに、めちゃくちゃショックを受けた。彼の両親が、の俺に、彼の葬式で話をしてほしいと頼みにきた。キツかった。

結局、コーディは自分の飲酒の経験で特定の出来事に関するひどい罪悪感を抱いていて、もしもっとに取り組んでいたら、それが神によって和らげられたかもしれないんだけどな。それでも飲んで忘れようとしていた。アルコールやアルコホーリクの人たちと接するときは、ソーバーを強要したり、飲ませたりを心に留めてるんだ。共有できるのは自分の経験だけだって事なのさ。毎回のミーティングや・コールで、俺が分かち合う事が誰かの役に立つといいなと思ってる、神様がそれをお使いになってさ。話はもう2人の男性のことさ、俺が手伝おうとしてた奴らの事。1人は2度の飲酒運転で運転免許を失っていたんだ。（DUIs：Driving Under the Influence、飲酒運転）それで１２ステップのミーティングに連れて行った。彼は毎回、ちょっとした用事で途中で立ち寄りたがるんだ・・・コンビニとかランドリーとかさ。彼が何をしているかは分かっていたけど、をスタートするまで、彼のペースに合わせて進めたんだ。最後に彼を家まで送った、その時言ったんだ。ガチでやる気があるんなら、ミーティングの場所は知ってるよなってね。デニスってのも。彼はまだ結婚してて、家も仕事もあった。俺がを伝えるとき、「飲み続けるつもりなら、それら全部さよならだぞ」と伝えたんだ。いくつかミーティングに連れて行ったけどアルコホーリクじゃないって自分で判断した。奴は消えたよね。１年後位かな、額に４インチもの深い傷でミーティングに現れたのさ。何が起こったのか聞いたら酔っ払って道を脇に逸れてフロントガラスを突き破ったんだって話してくれたよ。ソーバーでやっちまったのか？って聞いたら”NO”、俺は離婚し、仕事を失い、有り金全部使い果たすまで飲み続けたんだって喋ったんだ。デニスの最後の話を聞いたときは、まだソーバーだったんだよ。：俺は良いじゃなかった。俺が誰かを助けたとは言えない。でもシップは俺たちのが抱えるリスクを常に思い出させてくれるんだ。本当に重要なのは、普通に飲むことができるという考えを完全に取り除くこと、”幸せな運命” への旅を始めるとどれだけの平和と自由を手に入れられるか、ってことだよ。には労力が必要、ー”王国を手に入れるのには力が必要で、力強い者がそれを掴む”ーステップを進むごとに段々良くなって行くって、そういう事なんだ。

ブルース　Sober Date：１９７６年１２月２９日

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Welcome to ESH Jon and congratulations to all celebrants this month.

I remember how excited I was when someone finally asked me to sponsor them. I cannot say whether I helped Bill at all but he did stay sober as long as I had contact with him. Many court-mandated newcomers have asked me to sponsor them as required by their probation officers but they have all failed to establish regular contact with me much less work the program. More disconcerting is that only once has a probation officer ever followed up on anyone to see if they are really under sponsorship. The saddest memory of my questionable career as a sponsor was with Cody. Cody was a bright and willing 30-something young man who also had mental health issues. I met him in AA but got to know him better at a Double Trouble in Recovery meeting. Knowing his history I felt he had every reason to want to stay sober and he seemed an eager understudy. However, he had a major slip and was arrested in a very high-speed chase. When we visited him in jail he seemed penitent enough and was accepted into another long-term sobriety program. He wrote my wife and I frequently during that time and when he returned home seemed to be making progress. After one of our Saturday morning meetings/breakfasts, I reminded him of his many scrapes, hospital stays and narrow escapes and warned him that I didn't think he had any more reprives left. He was in good spirits as he left for work. I found out later he began drinking off and on while at work and when he could not defeat his car's breathalyzer device that evening started walking to the nearest liquor store where he bought 2 half-gallon bottles of gin. He died later that next day in a homeless camp of alcohol poisoning. I was crushed, for my powerlessness and inability to see that coming. His parents asked me, as his sponsor, to speak at his funeral. That was painful. It turned

out that Cody had some terrible guilt issues over a particular event in his drinking career which, if he had continued in the program long enough, could have been relieved by God. Yet, he kept trying to drink it away. In dealing with alcohol and alcoholics I try to remember that I do not keep anyone sober or force them to drink. I can only share what my experience has been. I trust that God will use what I share with those that it can help and I try to do that every meeting and with every 12th.Step call. There are two other guys I tried to help worth mentioning. One had lost his driving privileges with two many DUIs. I twelfth-stepped him and took him to several meetings. Each trip he had someplace he needed me to take him en route...the convenience store, the laundromat or other. It was obvious what he was doing but I went along with it until I was sure he had all the information he needed to make a start in the program. The last time I dropped him off at his home I said as much and told him if he ever got serious he knew where the meetings were. Then there was Dennis. He was still married, had a home and a job and when I twelfth-stepped him I told him he could kiss all that goodbye if he continued to drink. I took him to a number of meetings but he decided he wasn't an alcoholic after all and fell off the radar. About a year later he showed up at a meeting with a 4-inch long, deep scar across his forehead. I asked him what caused that and he told me how he ran off the road drunk and went through his windshield. Well then did you get sober? I asked. No, he said, I kept drinking until I got divorced, lost my job, and spent all the money I had. The last I heard of Dennis he was still sober. Bottom line: I cannot say I am a good sponsor. I cannot say I ever helped anyone but sponsorship has continued to remind me what is at stake in our sobriety. I cannot stress enough how important it is for us to smash every idea that we can ever drink normally again or how much peace and freedom we can find once we begin our journey to "happy destiny". The program requires work - "the kingdom is taken by force and forceful men lay hold of it" - but it gets better with each step.

Bruce DOS = 12/29/1976

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