from AA ESH Group : Experience, Strength, and Hope Mailing List

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今日はどうやってソーバーでいたかな？どうやってが進化したかな？Bruce Hicks、酒には無力だけど神様のお陰で1976年12月29日以来ソーバーです。

正直なところ、酔ってみっともないまま死ぬのは嫌だったんだ。今日、その欲求の為にAAに手を差し伸べる方向に進んだんだ。神様のお陰さ。AAのやメンバーのサポート、そしてその「」無くして恐らく僕はここまで来られなかったと思うな。自暴自棄になりながらも、勝利者たちが言うことを試してみたんだ。ステップを進める中で祈りを捧げながらも自分のモチベーションは完全に自己中心的で利己的だったけどさ。ただ、自分が傷つくのを止めたかったんだ。でもさ、ステップを進めるうちに、そういう気持ちも変わっていったんだよね・・・それらが僕を動かし始めたんだ。恐れや自己中心的なモチベーションに基づく僕の意思が、問題の根源だと気付いたんだ。手助けを受けながら、神の意志を求めて従う生き方や他人との関わり方を学んだんだ。分かったのさ、それが僕にとってうまくいく新しい生き方だって事がね。やり方は、あまり変わってないかな。静かな時間を取って、や聖書を読んだり、週に何度かミーティングに参加したり、仲間のために祈ったりしてるんだ。特に、まだ苦しんでる仲間を助ける知恵を祈るようにしてるし、自分の経験を分かち合おうとしてるね。違うことと言ったらそうだなぁ、今では、これらのことがもっと楽に、そして早くできるようになった事だろうね。

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How did you stay sober today? How has your sobriety evolved? Bruce Hicks, Powerless over alcohol, sober by the grace of God, DOS = 12/29/1976

I suppose the truth is that I didn't want to die drunk and pathetic and today I give credit to God for that desire and the direction to reach out to AA for help. I doubt that I would have made it without the program of AA, the support of AA members, and "the program". I had the gift of desperation and tried the things that the winners said to do. Even though I prayed for help as I worked through the steps, my motivation was entirely self-centered and selfish. I wanted to stop hurting. That began to change, however, as I worked the steps...they began to work me. I saw how my will, motivated by fear and self-centeredness, was the root of my problems. With help, I learned a different basis for living, that of seeking and submitting to God's will and of getting involved with others. I have found that to be a new way of life that works for me. As for the how, that hasn't changed much. I have quiet times, read the big book and Bible, go to a couple of meetings each week, pray for others, particularly for the wisdom to help those that still suffer and try to share my esh. The difference is in how these things come easier and quicker for me.

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